,Lately, I have been going through a tough time looking for more gainful employment. I do the standard application, cover letter, and follow-ups. If I do land an interview, I do my research and deal with my nervousness and body language. After several rejection letters, it can really take a toll on my self-esteem. My boyfriend, Jack, says I need to push myself. I can admit that I can be stubborn due to being a sheltered only child. I often get frustrated by his advice until last month in March.
I finally had my “ah-ha!” moment. Pushing myself didn’t mean I wasn’t working hard enough to find a job. He meant pushing myself to live my life. I realized I was fighting a daily battle to get out of bed, tidy up the house and just finding ways to better utilize this sudden influx of free time I had. I neglected the other aspects of my life that made it worth living . I began to pray, not just for a job, but for the strength and motivation to keep going despite the circumstances. Jack does it every day. Right now he’s the main breadwinner, his job is very demanding and he’s dealing with his own struggles. Yet, I see him get up, diligently, to do his job and handle business. The result is people looking up to him for inspiration and even envy.
I believe in the saying, “What you put out into the Universe is what you get back.” I realized that all this self-doubt was manifesting into my reality. In order to build my self up and fight the daily battle that many people fight, I had to change my attitude. Here are a few ways I did that:
– Count your blessings: I get it, it’s so cliche to say that but I had to reach all the way back to many teachings from the Lakota. The first I had to do, is stop dwelling on the negative and list down everything that was going great. I have a supportive family and boyfriend who encourage me with their love and looking back at my past, I noticed Creator has never let me fall, even in my darkest times. Creator has always looked out for me by putting loving, compassionate people in my life.
-Face Forward: Well this is a battle and I can’t win if I don’t even put up a good fight, but who or what was I even fighting against? At the time, my ego was driven by fear. I was going through another growing pain and was holding on to old beliefs that served their purpose and, it was now time to transition. I felt scared and didn’t want to change my beliefs because they have gotten me so far in life, tried and true. I’m still stubborn but I had to come to terms that I had to let go of my way of thinking and embrace this new knowledge to truly grow as a person and as an empath. For knowledge only becomes wisdom when we know how to use it.
-ATTACK!- Now that I knew who the enemy was, it was time to plan and execute. If what I was doing was not helping me grow, I had to change my approach. While I’m looking for work I saw different avenues I could take. I studied Journalism in college and felt like I could be a good English teacher or even just a tutor. While the ego is still an important component, it’s bruised and damaged and I had to put it aside. I stopped thinking with my ego and became so obsessed with finding work in one industry, I have forgotten that my gifts were given to me to benefit OTHER people. So I looked up the requirements for getting my teaching license and found online teaching gigs. I can still help people. I’m still a healer; it took me a while to realize that I do impact people so I have to push forward.
-Trusting Creator- Like I said before, I remember all the times I’ve been down, but never out. Why? Because Creator is always there for me, even when I was so lost I forgot to pray. Now, prayer and meditation is a must for me I have to stay strong in my faith. The Lakota once said that if you have doubt and fear in your heart, then there will be no room for Creator. The Universe cannot help you if you believe that you cannot be helped. For example, you can’t help an addict break their addiction if they believe that it’s part of their identity. So as I pray and tell Creator that I know that it will work out in the end. I have to remain spiritually strong and open to Creator’s love if I want to grow.
It is hard to not give up, but it is in that moment when we need to be our strongest. Look at your day in the face and say…bring it on.
