I was diagnoised with Dysthymia or Persistent Depressive Disorder when I was 19. Along with that, I have Panic Disorder. So, after years of night terrors, physical symptoms, and two suicide attempts brought on by testing medications on me, I decided to go the spiritual route. It worked for a while.
However, I tend to see my depression as more than a simple mental disorder. It can be a signal to the soul to make a change for the better. Or the next step of one’s transition. Lately, I have been up and down looking for steady work until I got a call from my friend Candice.
She has a baby on the way and a 1-year-old son. We talked about what was going on in Sheffield and about her grandmother. Then I pointed out feeling stuck. She informed me that she’s leaving her old job to put more into her artwork. I’m great with writing as long as I don’t have many restrictions and her artwork always grabbed people’s attention. So we decided to write a children’s book together.
I am well known for my writing but with so many mediums I tend to fall off track. That phone call had me thinking, I should go for it and write the book while Candice does the illustrations. After getting reassurance from both my mom and my boyfriend, I began my messy draft, or “first” first draft. I wanted to go on my own in the past. So, I would procrastinate and get frustrated. I’d hit a wall. This time, it feels natural and right.
I still feel depressed, which is debilitating at times, this time I can push through it. I’m coming up with other ideas for future books and feel surer. That’s how I know I’m heading in the right direction. I may need to keep looking for work or even take a job outside of writing (ugh). But the end goal is creating something I can be proud of. So here I am at age 29 and I finally am growing into myself. Sometimes depression can be a call to action to follow your true path.
