I was on the phone with my best friend. I haven’t seen her in a while as she lives in a different state. We were talking about how things have changed so quickly because of the pandemic. This is an unpopular opinion but we both agreed that this lockdown has taught people a plethora of lessons.
While this virus is amplifying some of the hostility and tension, there are so many interesting and amazing things happening. People are learning how to slow down. Some are starting to thrive within the chaos, while others are spending more time at home. People are truly learning more about the people they live with (family, roommates). And parents are being more involved in their children’s education. I always believed that the reason people are so stressed out is that we never have the time to really relax. Maybe on the weekend or on a holiday. But work and money are always on the back of your mind. So, now that we are pretty much forced to slow down, we are learning to get more in touch with ourselves. I want to break down some learned lessons I peeped during this unpredictable time.
I learned to not dwell in the past. Now that I have more time to reflect on things. I realized how insignificant they are in the grand scheme of things. It’s not psychologically healthy to hold a grudge or holding on to past regret. Life only moves forwards and the only thing really holding me back is my mindset. All the “would’a, could’a, should’as in my mind are taking up space for new ideas and growth. I’m ready to release and move forward.
Creating my own routine. I work from home now, but there’s an issue with my employer because they are still in the process of converting to remote. So, on days when I am being patient, I created a routine to keep myself from being bored and unproductive. I’m used to structure and discipline (dad was military, mom was educator) but making my own schedule is new to me. Now, I exercise, clean, do food prep, write, and self-care. Finding a balance in my life helps me mentally and emotionally.
Did I mention exercise? Yep, the one thing about my depression that I absolutely hate is the struggle to get out of bed. That heavy, low feeling you internally fight against everyday. It feels like I won that battle now that I exercise. It gives me energy and my mood is better too. At the end of the day, you have a choice to either let the depression dictate you. Or you dictate your depression.
I’m using this time to explore my relationship with Creator. As I said before, my depression made the task of getting out of bed daunting. My soul, mind, and body suffered and I started to feel empty. Even though I could still feel emotions, they were overshadowed by complete apathy. People are thrown off by the term “depression” and often associate it with feeling sad. But the reality is depression isn’t just a feeling, it’s a state of mind. The lack of passion for life, simply existing as a vessel, an aching of the soul. While therapy and medication can help, I personally believe my depression is the aftermath of spiritual warfare. Therefore, I made it my responsibility to strengthen my connection to God and to myself to combat the negative energy that rears its ugly head from time to time.
One thing I would love to do more is to write. Sometimes it’s difficult but once I start, it feels natural. With time and organization, I think I’ll get to a place where I spend the whole day writing (that would be great). Until then, I just continue to work on myself so that I can be a better daughter, girlfriend, best friend, and person.
