It’s been a while since my last entry. Things have been heavy lately and I am trying to heal.
I rid of my social media, it was making me depressed. Now that I don’t fill my time with scrolling, I feel very relieved. The pressure is gone and I can even write more now. The time I’ve wasted on Facebook feeling jealous and inadequate is embarrassing.
This leads me to a realization; social media destroys the spirit. I may still need social media in the future, but I will have to watch my usage when I eventually turn it back on…if I turn it back on.
My hands are shaking from excitement as I write this. Throughout the day, I try to listen to motivational speeches and uplifting affirmations. The result? My performance in class is better, my mood is less heavy, and my spirit feels lighter.
It all reminds me of the old Cherokee story of the two wolves:
“A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy. “It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”
He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”
You produce what you consume. Meaning you feed an uninspired, self-doubting wolf, and you get lethargy, depression, and emptiness. So, that’s how I’ve been feeling in the last few months because I was feeding the wrong wolf this whole time. Not just social media, but just in my day-to-day and my relationships. I don’t have many close friends and I need to work on that. I’m doing well in school but I could be doing better.
There are lots of things that I’ve neglected and as I continue expanding on this discovery, I hope to learn how to love myself again. It’s time to feed the wolf of prosperity, self-love, and courage.
