Hello Dad,
As time passes I feel further away from you. I have made many changes in my life spiritually and mentally, yet I find myself more unsure of my decisions now that I don’t have your reassurance. I have met some great people in my life and some awful people too, both have taught me the lessons I know you wanted to teach me. I can see the beauty in everything around me, but I cannot see the beauty within myself. The type of beauty where people can make their dreams happen, I know you don’t want to hear that but another thing I learned is how to be honest with myself.
I remember when you visited my dreams and checked on me as any father would. I wish you would come see me, I miss your hugs, our talks, how we would make each other laugh and how I got you to eat sushi. I feel as if you were my main source of love and affection, of course mom loves me but she shows it by bringing order and structure to the home. I think about you a lot dad, your death makes me worry about all the other people I will lose in my life. I know you are with me in spirit but sometimes a little sign of your presence would make me smile.
I think I should take a moment to pray and try to give myself some type of peace within myself. I know you don’t want me to worry about things that are out of my control. I try not to, but losing you made me feel abandoned and scared. I have made some bold moves because I cannot live my life with each day feeling the same, I can hear you telling me how proud you are and how I am doing a good job. I still miss you but I know you miss me too.
Love,
Little John (Ashley)